Damned Semester

This is the end of the fifth semester in my campus. Almost the same with previous semester, the result is not like what I expected. It seems that the result is not mine. It is not equal to my hard efforts and experiences I got in this semester. I occasionally wonder how do the lecturers assess their students?
Based on what I observed, some of lecturers are just like school teachers. Come, sit down, talk, then leave. What the fuck? I am a college student, dude, I ain't a sloppy kindergarten student. Ah there is one lecturer, a short, black skinned man with his short weird black hair and fancy face that makes me sick. He merely entered the class, mumbling about students appearance, never gave any goddamn tests. I even do not remember if he had explained something in my class. All things he did was just delivering bulshits and annoying motivation. If I could speak to him right now, I would say, "Hey bastard teacher, so you call yourself a teacher? Dude, I come from far from home to get knowledge and information you have in your fucking brain. I need no your fashion advices. I need food to eat not fashion. I need money to buy your services not fashion. I need air to breath not fashion. Hell with you! I come here to study. I have lots of relatives that specialized in fashion" Well, that is one of aggravating lecturers which exists in this almost-collapsed campus. Others are almost as aggravating as him. Taught by good lecturers are just a dream for me here, in this slum.
Oh well, life should go on anyway. Other people say that yesterday is a history, today is a gift and tomorrow is a mystery. I do agree but I had cranky histories, annoying gifts, and goddamn mysteries. Often!

That Piece of Past

What do I do wrong? You unfriend me on Facebook. You unfollow me on Twitter. Perhaps, you have deleted me in your life. Am I now a somebody that you used to know?
Who was wrong about that relationship? Indeed, I was the one who declared that relationship and you did agree with that. We established that relationship with holy thing called love. You never understand. Typical. Yes I was, no, I remain selfish to you. Fighting, arguing, quarreling, and jealousy. Don't you get it? Those things used to fulfill our relationship. We were not fit. You always kept your opinion, you never considered mine. At that time, my love to you still stood still and was strong. Everyone, everything, has limitation, dear my past piece. Why did you turn better when I had reached my limitation, when that feeling was gone? Huh? I am not God who can forgive all sins, who bless every prayer. I am a human. I have my plus and minus. I gave you up. That was the only thing that I could do. It is impossible to continue a relationship without a feeling, without love.
If you happen to read this writing, you'd better think that, consider it maturely. You are no longer a child who labels everyone she hate as enemy without any considerations.

Quotes from 3rd Semester

I am going to be a 4th Semester student of English Education Department Undiksha. For me, It is not an achievement. I just passed the semester and learned something new. My struggle is not finished yet. I am still at the beginning and my knowledge is not good enough to face the world. During the 3rd semester, I did not just learn the theories, I also learned how to be a person who has a good character. Some of my lectures are my inspirations. They sometime tell about a motivated story, good advices, and brilliant quotes. I think that their struggle were so though and they have succeeded breaking any obstacles of their life when they were a student like me. These are two quotes I love from my lecturers.   

Life is a matter of choice - Mr. Adi Jaya
I heard this quote from the lecture of morphology. All of my classmates were not serious following his explanation because no one could understand about the topic. Moreover, the book is difficult to understand. When he asked the students whether they understood or not, the student was merely quiet and no one could answer. Then, he said, "You are really hard to understand the topic. Most of lectures talk so much about you. You all are hard to teach. Well... I do not know how you learn. Now, I give you choices, first, study hard by your own, write some notes of my course to review the topic at home, and read the book. Second, you just enjoy your  life without any efforts. Your life depends on your own because Life is a matter of choice."

Learning is a matter of willingness not merely talent - Ms. Lokita
This quote came from my reading 2 lecturer. It was the end of the semester and the time when all grades came up in the student's KHS. Some of my classmates got C in reading 2, a few of them got A and B, and the rests got D. My friends who got bad grades felt sad and down. A SMS from Ms. Lokita was received by Nara, the captain of the class. She said that those grades were because of your hard work, some of your friends maybe got bad grade. Be more seriously for the next semester. Learning is a matter of willingness not merely talent. 

 You know, I am still a small ant. I am not ready yet to face this world. I do not have enough weapons and have to reload more missiles to fight with obstacles in this life. I hope the quotes can help me to be more motivated.

"Doctor" was my dream, "Lecturer" is my dream

"Life is a matter of choice - Mr. Adi Jaya"

"You can't change your fate. No matter how hard your efforts are to reach your dream, God will decide it. God has designed and created our life. Therefore, We should be always thanked to God."

I am 19 years old boy. I am a 2nd semester student of English Education Department. I study English because I love it. I've been into it since I was in 5th grade of elementary school. Actually, I did not expect to study here, in English Education Department. Before this, I wanted to be a doctor not an English teacher.

That was a year ago... When I was in senior high school.

I took science department in senior high school. I studied mathematics, physics, biology, languages, and other basic sciences. It seemed that I really loved biology and English. In fact, they were my favorite subjects. I used to get the best score of those subjects. I really loved biology and that was one of my two reasons why I want to be a doctor. Other reason is my parents pushed me to be a doctor. I felt really ambitious. "I want to make my parents proud of me! Father... Mother..., I will try hard to reach my dream! No, that's our dream! You said that I am very expensive son. You wasted most of your money to save my life when I was child. I must pay for it!" I talked to myself.

The days when national exam and National Higher Education Entrance Exam (We call it as SNMPTN in Indonesia) nearly come up. I studied hard everyday. I practiced, I prayed, I joined other courses in order to expand more my knowledge about all of my science subjects at school. I did all of my efforts to reach my dream, to be accepted in medical faculty in a university in Bali. The national exam finally came up. I did it smoothly as bird's feather. As the result, I got high scores for national exam. However, I got bad luck when SNMPTN was held. I failed the test. I did not give up and studied hard for the next PMDK test. .....